Sometimes I don’t know how I got so lucky. I have someone who treats me like a queen. I don’t want to lose him to some reenlistment. I don’t want to worry about it. Because in this moment I’m so happy. I love every inch of his being. I can’t express my emotions in words anymore. I’ve fallen deeper than I ever expected myself too. I don’t care about deployment. Right now I would wait a lifetime if it meant I got to spend forever with this man.
It’s four in the morning. You just left for work. Before you left though, you made sure I was cuddled up and warm. You grabbed a sweatshirt for me and another blanket. The little things are what get me. I don’t want to have to let you go. I’m going to hold onto you for as long as I possibly can. This reenlistment will be the hardest thing of my life. I have never faced anything with this much distance. I don’t know how it will turn out for us. I don’t know how long you will have to be gone or how long I won’t be able to talk to you. But I do know that right now you’re in my reach. There are no worries at this moment. I have you here and I’m going to cherish that. I’m going to remember every thing I possibly can. I’m going to lay in bed with you for hours just to feel you close. I’m going to spend as much time with you these next few months. I don’t know how to process the fact that you might be leaving. I don’t know how to face it. People say nineteen is too young to have to go through this. I don’t care though, I signed up for this when we started dating. I’m just so terrified. I never thought deployments would be in our future ever. We were counting down the months until you were out. We weren’t planning our future around a reenlistment. We were planning around you getting out. I hate that you changed your mind. I don’t know how it happened so suddenly. I know you’ve always wanted to do this but I thought you decided against it. It sucks that you chose to do it this way. I’m fucking pissed but I’m standing by you. I’m supporting your choice no matter how mad it makes me. I know it’s the best choice for your life right now and I want what’s best for you. Im selfish because I don’t want to lose you. I want you within arms reach and I’m not going to have that. The truth of the matter is that I’m terrified. I’m so scared. I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never dated someone and had so much distance between us. But Im going to do it. I’m going to try so hard. I’m going to put my all in it. You’re worth it, I know you are.
I try so hard yet I feel like every good thing that walks my way also walks away. No one stays in my life. It’s just a matter of time till they leave. I’ve grown so numb and to myself. I’m done letting anyone in and getting attached. I can’t handle the feeling of watching someone let me go anymore.
I feel like this reenlistment might be the end of our relationship.
I hate that you replaced me so easily. Turns out I wasn’t your bestfriend at all. Glad you’re happy
I’m constantly going. I’ve lost all time to be with family and friends. I didn’t know moving out would cause me to lose all time to maintain relationships. It’s the hardest part about this all. I settled in at my house and thought I would be able to have friend time all the time. I was so wrong. I have no time for myself. I can’t remember the last time I actually tried when getting ready. I miss my bestfriend. I miss watching tv and laying in bed all day. I miss spending time with my family. I miss my dad a lot. It’s so hard. When you are 19 trying to make a living and pass school. You have no life. Seriously. I feel so trapped in my own little world. Like there is no room for anything. When I have a moment all I want to do is sleep. I’m so tired. I’m worn out. Two months living alone and I’m financially stable but there is no room for movement. I have no life. I’ve lost my life. It’s work school and sleep. I miss when I could do whatever I wanted when I wanted. I miss my bestfriend. I miss my family. I miss my free time. I miss so much.
I still think about moving to North Bend. Out of all places in Washington that’s where I would like to be. There’s no one there for me, it would just be a fantastic adventure. The beauty that one place can possess amazes me. If I had a choice that’s where I would be going to college. The balance between nature and civilization is perfect there. A city that did something right. So tempting to take a mini vacation by myself just to have some time alone with nature. A self get away is much needed right now and north bend seems to be the place of choice.
Please judge my relationship when you know absolutely nothing about it. Do you know how good he is to me? Absolutely not. Do you know anything about him? Absolutely not. Do you know how happy I am? I guess you misread that one.
Let me let you see inside my relationship for a second, just so you can see how fucked it is to judge. Four forty five rolls around and an alarm clock goes off, time to get up. He quickly puts his clothes on and grabs a sweatshirt for me. Then it’s goodbye. A few kisses and he’s out the door to work. We spent a total of 10 hours together, but you know what? That 10 hours is worth it even when 6 of them are spent sleeping. I fall back asleep and wake up to a goodmorning text with a smile on my face. I casually go about my day which usually means homework and school. Night time rolls around, he’s off work again. I go to class and try to sneak a few text in here and there. By the time I’m out of class it’s either he’s coming over or I’m sleeping. Now weekends, I work and he’s off. He still will come over and let me fall asleep before nine, all because the presence of him is worth it. You may say my relationship is silly. But you don’t understand how all the little moments add up. How it’s so hard to maintain a relationship with our schedules, but we fight for it anyway. We didn’t just give up like most would. We knew there was something worth fighting for and we are still here fighting for it. The moments I spend with him might not be that long at all, but it’s worth it. One day, the army will be out of our lives and we will have our own schedule. But until then, I stand right next to my soldier through it all. I don’t care if you see this as silly, because in our hearts we know it’s not. Yes, it’s a long hard road. But you know, at the end of the night, he’s all I want. I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing. I’m not going to change for anyone. If anyone wants me to change then they can do me a big favor and walk away. I don’t need anyone negative or judgmental in my life. My relationship is my relationship and you can do me a kind favor and stay the fuck away from it.
It’s so hard to watch someone show their true colors. When you think that you know who someone is and then boom they prove you wrong. You tell them everything about yourself and your hardest memories and then they turn out to be not a real friend at all. Someone who doesn’t care about your happiness, someone who is selfish. I cannot believe I ever trusted you. You turned out to be someone with disgusting assumptions and low morals. I’m taking this step and no longer associating myself with you. You were my bestfriend and the shit you said caused me to never want you to be a part of my life again. Stay the fuck out of my life.
You’re the most judgmental person I’ve ever met and you’re my mother. You asked me how things are going in my relationship and I told you they are very well. Your response was not what anyone should have to hear. You don’t care about my happiness, you don’t care about my opinion. You want things your way and you’ll make sure to state it. You told me not to fall for him, just to have fun. Why would I just want to have fun? Why would I date someone to not fall for them? Are you fucking crazy? I told you I have fallen for him and you told me to protect myself. Then your reasoning was complete bullshit. You told me you didn’t want me to be with someone in the military. You know why you said that? Because you aren’t a strong enough woman to handle the relationship a woman has to have when dating a man in the military. My relationship will be stronger than any relationship you’ve had. When I started dating Wade I accepted that he is in the military. I accepted that my life will never be the same. I accepted that I might have to go months without seeing him. I accepted his choice of job. I accepted his way of life. My boyfriend is in the military and I will support him no matter where and what he does. I’m sorry you cant wrap your tiny brain around that. You know I wish I had your support with my life choices, and it’s too bad I don’t. I don’t even have my sisters support, all I have is my dad’s. You all are so morally wrong to judge someone like you do. You all are trying to tell me that I don’t deserve a relationship with someone who is going to be gone months at a time. You know what? I’m sorry you all don’t understand that when you fall for someone hard enough, those circumstances don’t mean anything. My man wears a uniform and I’ll 110% stand behind him no matter where he goes. Watch me prove you all wrong. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long while and none of you even care. Your judgments will get you no where in life. I’m sorry my relationship isn’t going to be changed because my family doesn’t agree.
Not dependent for money or anything like that. Just dependent on you to be in my life. I’ve been with you since Wednesday night. I haven’t spent over 48 hours away from you in awhile. In a few weeks we’ll be tested though. One week without you. Then we will jump up to a few weeks when you’re back home for leave. I don’t get how I let myself get so attached to you already. It’s been less than two months and I already want to be with you every day. I cherish every moment we spend together because we never know where the army will take you. I’m so happy you walked into my life. I know that by stepping into this relationship I stepped into a relationship with distance. I accepted that you could reenlist. I’ve accepted that you only have certain days off. I’ve accepted you and who you are. And I’ve gotten the greatest gift of all, you accepting me into the puzzle of your life. I’m so excited for our future together. I can’t express my happiness in words. You mean so much to me and I’m so lucky you’re mine.